WHY I WANT NEW ZEALAND TO WIN CRICKET WORLD CUP

Good the Aussies are out. Their winning streak was getting way too boring. Anyways, Australia’s domestic politics is not much improved under Julia Gillard, who’s nearly as rightwing in many respects as John Howard, though the Kevin Rudd interregnum had promised to put some pep into it. So red light for the baggy green caps is correcto.

A pity the West Indies couldn’t make it. The multi-national team from the Caribbean countries could have used the boost a Cricket World Cup victory would’ve given their multi-racial societies. And inspired a new stream of Calypso poetry.

So South Africa won’t be taking home the cup. That’s fine. A victory might’ve been used by Jacob “Shower-After-Rape” Zuma for his own ends. Nothing against the Proteas, mind you. I’d have been all for winning it for Nelson Mandela. The only problem is that while saying bring the cricket trophy back for Madiba, what “Rape’n’Shower” Zuma was really saying was, bring it back for me, me, me. Take a hike, Jacob. And then shower.

England didn’t need a win. The 2012 London Oly’ll give them all the lift they need and David Cameron, along with Sarko next door in France is hoping the Libya operations’ll yield him PR mileage. So take a rest, lads.

Of the last four, who do I want to see win? First, who do I NOT want?

India. What an obscene, over-the-top, ugly, self-serving, noisy gaggle of players, punters, politicians, fans, television commentators, jingoist journalists, advertisers, corporate piggy-backers and the Bunch of Corrupt Crooks that is the unregulated BCCI. Victory for this lot would lead to hideous ads on TV, “newspapers”, hoardings, the Internet, everywhere, everywhere – and for months and years – selling everything from toothbrush and chocolates to their own mothers. So please, cricket gods, spare us the torture. Bad enough India’re in the semis.

Now Sri Lanka had for long been my faves. I’m a South Indian, see, and geographically, am closer to the coconut-consuming cousins on the island than to those Northies who can’t even say “vada-saambaar” properly: “Oy, baat suno, saamburr-bada lao”. Sheesh! When I first went to live in New Delhi, me a good Bangalorean, was clubbed with “Madrasees”. No, no, keep your Sehwags, Dhonis and numerous Singhs, I root for er… numerous Singhes from Raavana land. That was my stand. Speaking of Raavana, now that Sri Lanka’s ditched democracy, they lost my backing: Any win’ll be seized on by brothers Rajapakse – Mahinda, Gotabhaya, Basil and Chamal – to further cement their dastardly dictatorship.

Pakistan. Don’t mind them winning at all, really. Asif “10%” Zardari and other politicians are so discredited in the Pakistani people’s eyes that even a 10-wicket or 200-run humiliation of India won’t translate into lift for that lot. The Army? They can try but I doubt the people’ll associate exploits on the pitch with those masters of the putsch. Actually the one big loser if Pakistan win’ll be the Taliban. Imagine the scenes on the streets of Pakistan after a World Cup victory! The dancing, the music, the ecstasy! Just the ticket to tell the sport-hating (omni-hating really) Taliban where to stick it.

New Zealand. Now, they can put a victory to good use and their politicians are reasonably clean. Can’t exploit a win for narrow ends. In fact, who outside Wellington has a clue or should I say Key as to which John’s their Prime Minister now? One of the least corrupt countries, according to Transparency International. Post-Christchurch quake, they need a boost and a win’ll give them a big one. And I love the Kiwi accent (along with the South African, Caribbean and the Northern Irish). Go to lads, run rings around your opponents and give a Lord of the Rings-like boost to your economy. And you might well be invited to tea and perhaps even samosas with an Indian looking gent, anyway: Governor-General Anand Satyanand.

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About walkerjay

The author, N. Jayaram, a journalist now based in Bangalore after more than 23 years in East Asia (mainly Hong Kong and Beijing) and 11 years in New Delhi, was with the Press Trust of India news agency for 15 years and Agence France-Presse for 11 years and is currently engaged in editing and translating for NGOs and academic institutions.
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6 Responses to WHY I WANT NEW ZEALAND TO WIN CRICKET WORLD CUP

  1. Saroj THAPA says:

    Well put Jayram! Although me being a patriotic Indian would like an Indian victory, but one is getting a little tired of all that goes on in the name of sport.

  2. NR says:

    I don’t know why or how I stumbled upon this page. I was googling some random stuff and happened to visit this page. Without much ado, let me start the bashing. You should be ashamed to call yourself INDIAN. Maybe you are INDIAN, only in the geographical sense of the word. You root for Sri Lanka and New Zealand? And you are sad that India are in the Semis? Ok let me get this straight. However business-minded and crooked the BCCI may be, it is about India. This is about India winning the World Cup. Your support for a team is dependent on its form of government? are u insane? YOUR sehwags, YOUR dhonis, YOUR numerous Singhs? Are you a mercenary with an Anti-India motive? It is not NORTH INDIA or SOUTH INDIA in the world cup, it is INDIA.

    I pity your existence. It is inexplicable to see what you have written over here. Everyone is frustrated of corruption, that does not mean relinquishing your own country in something as big as the Cricket World cup. You should stop associating yourself with INDIA, you clearly don’t deserve it. I hope you just die or suddenly disappear from the face of this planet. I don’t even know where you are or who you are , but just the fact that YOU ARE is reason enough for me to think this way.

  3. Aniery says:

    Mister NR, the “Indian” mercenary suffused with cheap patriotism is blind to international solidarity and fairplay. Not for him the spirit of the Olympic motto: “The most important thing is not to win but to take part.”
    He is immune to the tone and spirit of the blog.
    He is part of the arrogant Indian middle-class wanting to project India as a superpower, ready to go to war with Pakistan or China, as long as their or their family interests are not affected.
    His cheap patriotism doesn’t care about mass poverty, child-labour, violence against women, health indicators inferior to sub-Saharan Africa as long as his breed can hijack the development process for their own benefit and project India as a superpower.
    His knowledge of Indian philosophy and ethics is so poor that he wishes anybody who doesn’t think like him “to die”! And he pretends to represent India!

  4. NR says:

    @ Aniery

    You try to portray yourself as a MESSIAH of humanity, as a peace-bearer on a mission to save our nation from the many issues it has. Whatever you were trying to say over there clearly makes no sense, and you have failed miserably in your ATTEMPT to look SMART. I am aware of all those problems you just said Mr. Smarty Pants. As for my patriotism being CHEAP, I’ve got one thing to say to you, you have no right to judge me, my patriotism and my being INDIAN as a whole. After reading your comment, (which in no way is related to the topic), I want to tell you a few things. Your comment makes you look like a spectator in a crime. You look at things from a distance and comment so condescendingly on it as if you are THE HOLIEST man in INDIA with an understanding of everything that is wrong and an explanation and reason for all problems, and you accuse me of CHEAP PATRIOTISM and MY BREED OF HIJACKING THE DEVELOPMENT .

    So Mr.Fake, you can take your FAKE PHILOSOPHY, FAKE ETHICS and your FAKE ATTITUDE and go take a hike.

  5. Pingback: CRICKET, JINGOISM AND NATION-STATES | Walkerjay's Blog

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